I am sad to be downsizing

My desk shelve

My family maintains that I own a library. I’ve always wanted to own a library. The greatest number of books I own was right when we moved into our current house. I had about 10 book cases double stacked before I decided that having bookcases in ever room and a closet full of all my old college books was too much.

My Office some of the books to prepare for
 September and yes they are double stacked.

Free reading shelves in the playroom,
these ikea shelves are better than book shelves

It became too much for me to tolerate in our small home, so I got rid of most of my college books, first. My bookcases after 17 years of moving were in very bad shape so I watched helplessly as the tumbled when we moved all the book that we were not in the current school rotation into a closet. I think that I had close to 5000 books.

Now we are down-sizing the home school books, as my second grader finishes the books.  We fill a goodwill box, when the box is full we take it to a donation center. I would try to sell the books but we just do not have the room to keep them.

Current Goodwill box.

This has meant some hard choices for me. I do count the cost of passing on the books. With eBooks becoming more popular I fear we might just be losing the beauty and artistry that goes into making a book. When we downloaded Beatrix Potter on my kindle and I was disappointed that the pictures were missing.

The fewest number of books I’ve ever owned would be about 100. My parents were always getting me books for birthdays and Christmas as a child. I loved reading and I was happy as long as I had a book, so they got me books. I even remember the year when my eyes were so strained that I was not allowed to read except at school. I would sneak a book under my bed and read using a flashlight. I am grateful to still have my eyesight and to be enjoying books.

                      

Pictures of The Boys current school shelves.

Reference

Hiding most of my books took the pressure off, and I do not have to deal with the ones that I am not using. Another plus is my shelves no longer look like they will topple and crush me or The Boys.

I do love books :) but will be more selective on which ones I keep till my baby is done home schooling. I am learning there is only so much stuff you can keep in one house. I am not sure how big our next house will be, but I am determined to make the hard choices so that I can treasure my family and our life together. 


I do not listen to music when I am reading. I find it very distracting, I am one of those people who really listens to the lyrics of my music. They conflict if I try to do both.

How about you........

Thankful for knowing God

I love linking up and taking part in Thankful Thursdays. It gives me a chance to reflect and ask myself what am I truly thankful for this week. The Highlights.


This week however, I have been struggling with a cold. Coupled with being alone with The Boys twenty four seven, it has been challenging. 


So what helped me the most this week? What was I truly thankful for? I thought about making a list of my blessing and how I am blessed by them. Was that what I am most thankful for? 


In the end, I am most thankful for three things this week. 


1. I was thankful for God's Grace
God's grace is amazing it picks me up when I am down. When I was powerless, He died for me. Wow! So I am under his grace because God demonstrates his own love for me in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for me. That is a mind-blowing grace, one I will be eternally grateful for.


2. My ability to seek his intercession through pray
I did a lot of praying this week. I prayed for the mental strength to push through and take care of The Boys needs ahead of my own, for patience, and for the right words to say to them. 


We can easily become very self absorbed when we are sick and can be short tempered with those around us. Children can be very sensitive, they are quick to believe everything is their fault. On the other hand with me being sick, I still needed The Boys to clean up and obey the rules. 


Conveying gentleness and patience when asking a child to do something; when one of sick requires that God goes before you.  They were many instances this week where I saw God work things out for me. 


I am thankful I can go to him in pray when life hands me a not so perfect week.  


3. Having the Word of God to guide me.


I am thankful that I can mediate on the scriptures. What a blessing it is to find comfort in His Word. My mind always seem to travel too Hebrews 12:4 In my struggle against sin, I have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood. 


The knowledge and guidance I get from the Word builds my convictions so I can stand firm in times like these. From studying my Bible I know that God is Faithful and will take care of me. In Matthew 6, he commands me not to worry because He knows my needs and will take care of me. I can say that he has always kept that promise.


I am confidant that my mistakes in the last few days are covered by God's grace and I am thankful that God is still taking care of me.  Giving me grace, encouraging me with His Word and listening to my prayers.


What are you thankful for this Thursday.....

Having a cold is an inconvenience

I have had a cold for about a week now. Today I am feeling a bit worse, I probably should have stayed in bed.


With me being under the weather The Boys have been arguing a lot. So instead of trying to negotiate a peace treaty between them, we have been taking about God's Grace.


How important is it to place the needs and wants of others before ourselves. When some one does or says something we do not like we are to leave room for God by showing them His Grace. Trusting in God's care, not our own.


We have had the, but Jesus did not have brothers, conversations many time. Although the Bible does not tell us how Jesus was as an older brother when he was a young boy, it does tell us that the greatest commandment is to love our brother. 


Jesus is the best example of trusting in God. He trusted God even in His death on the cross. With life comes the added responsibility of trusting in God. The main different between Cain and Abel is that Abel trusted in God.


So as I work on healing and teaching My Boys the blessings of God Grace, i've included two pictures from my bedroom window.

My Top Ten Movies I Would have kept had I not written this post

1. Bicentennial Man
Loved watching this with The Boys When they were little. Definitely a movie that leaves you feeling good and can be shared as a family. Lots in here about caring for others, from the beginning where the father explains that the robots cannot be treated like regular property, after the little girl commands him to jump out her bedroom window, to the end when they declared him to be the oldest living man.

2. Fried Green tomatoes

The Boys have not seen this one yet, but I cannot wait for it to spark their interest. This is just a great movie once again, about standing by family, and how important, and life changing loving another human can be.

3. Jumanji
Just a great story about finishing what we start, even when the going gets tough. We may be scared, and not quite sure what will happen in the end, but this movie makes the point that if you start, it is very important to finish.

4. The Bone Collector
Analyzing crime scenes is always fun, I enjoy watching this one again and again.

5.The bird Cage

A great comedy about the importance of support and accepting the people who love you and the people whom you claim to love.

6. The First Wives Club
I enjoyed the friendships in this movie and the fact that they united in support of one another. It also helps that the revenge becomes less important, while the friendships become more important.

7. Grease
Who does not like Grease? It reminds us of a time when life was a song. A time that seemed simpler and everyone was happy. A feel good kind of film. 

8. Bird on a Wire

This made the keep pile because it was our first date movie, so its a memory I will hold on to for a while longer.

9. Ghost
I cannot for the life of me remember why I kept this one. It will probably have to go, but I will watch it first. As I think about the value of this movie; I realize that its about holding on, in an unrealistic way to what we have lost. I did not make it through Ghost so I guess that I have growth.

10. Purple Rain
Sorry, will never let The Boys watch this one. I just really liked Prince when this movie came out. Although it is no longer my story, emotionally or physically not ready to part with it, yet. Though after writing these word; I will try to watch it and then if the judgement is the same, I will get rid of it. Why would I keep something I never want The Boys to watch? After some deep though I will be leaving this part my teen years behind me.
Making this list allowed me to lose two more movies, what could you eliminate my making a top ten list? Feel free to comment, even disagree if you wish.

Now its your turn......

My True Treasures  

I am decluttering my home and choosing to live with less because I treasure my family more than any earthly possession. When I consider the legacy I want to leave my children; it is not one of things. I want my legacy to be memories of Me,  which would include the things we did together, times shared, the places we went, the places we lived, and the wonderful friends we made along the way. I want them to know that nothing is more important to me than them and that My Family will always have my heart.

So, my home has never been a museum or a shrine, its always been a place where they are free to roam and things might break. I am known for saying to them, I cannot replace you, God only made one, but everything else is stocked at the store.  

I think that as The Boys have gotten older and their needs have changed, I now have two young adults, I am asking the question have I failed to adapt to them growing up? The Boys need for Disney movies, Dr. Suess books, and every toy they have ever received might have more to do with me than them.

So, I looked into the future and realized that in holding on to these things I am not free to create the life that I desire. I firmly believe that as we grow older we should possess less, so we have space to move through life and our homes more freely. I go to the Goodwill and yard sales sometimes, they are a good reminder of what becomes of the things we own. They either become trash, are given away, or sold for a please take this price, at a garage sale. Our Children may keep one or two mementos, but they should not be encumbered with a life time of stuff we’ve collected.

Everything we own in this world passes away, God commands us in (Matthew 6:19) not to store up for ourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. So what should we store up?

Our focus then should be on keeping things that reminds our families of the love we have for them and the things that allow us to love them in a 1 Corthinians 13 way. A way that allows our  love to be patient, and kind. Not envy what others have, nor boasting about what we have. A love that is not proud of our possessions, does not dishonor others. A love that is not self-seeking, by putting our personal possession above our family. A love that is not easily angered because we have kept a record of how many of our possessions the children have broken. Our treasure should always, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres and never fail our families. Our treasures should be the time and love we give to others.

Yesterday, as part of my decluttering I got rid of some decorative plates we had purchased on the Bridge Over The River Kwai in Kanchanaburi, Thailand about four or five years ago. I honestly brought the plates because I felt that the little boys selling them needed the money and he had gone to so much trouble making them. While tourist are looking at the bridge they take pictures of you and place them on these decorative plates; after they have gone to all that work, they approach you and ask if you want to buy them. They are trying to make a living so I got the plates, but now I have the dilemma of not wanting them. Yesterday I let The Boys throw them out a bedroom window, they had a blast, we enjoyed the plates and now they are trash. I created a memory with my children that they will remember always. They could not wait to tell Dad that night. Who threw them best, who had broken them into the most pieces and of course that it was mummy’s idea.

One of the Five

The broken pieces

As my journey continues My Boys still enjoy watching home movies and looking at our picture albums. I will be working on our picture albums this week, making them so much less.  Although I am getting rid of most, I will make some into a slide show and keep a few albums of things that digital just does not do justice. Break down of the albums to come. I did not count their three baby books, because they love them and I know will always keep them. They keep wanting me to update them, which I will do.

What about you? Are you just accumulating things? Or are you purposefully making your love and your true treasures known?  The things I love most in this live are my Husband and My three boys.

Now its your turn..........

Week long task

 I have finished my week long task of going from 100 picture frames to 40. It has been an amazing and soul searching journey. I have asked the hard questions and made the call which lead me in the end to be eternally grateful. All the memories and events that have lead me here will be forever cherished in my heart.

Any suggestion on what to do with all these empty frames?

I have learned that we have to be constantly asking ourselves what matters most in life. Was I trying to live in the past with so many pictures; we can never relive the past. The Bible says “This is the day the Lord hath made I will rejoice and be glad in.” Was I able to rejoice with all the clutter on my walls, no I was not....

I am rejoicing tonight because I know that the pictures I kept depicted what matters most to us as a family. They show case to those who visit where our hearts lie. I am proud that not only did I set a goal, I was able to surpass it. Beginning on Friday, I was thinking keeping 45 frames would be okay, but I continue to ask the hard questions and did not allow my self to be the woman who looked in the mirror and then walked away and forgot what she saw. I saw the need to be truly self-sacrificing and as such was able to do more soul searching. We ended up keeping 39 frames and three of them are not full, they are works in progress that I will add to in the coming years.

I can do all things through him who gives me strength, God never fails us when we decide to follow His Word.

One of the many collages I made, I had forgotten how much fun it could be.

My next challenge will  be my number two collection. This coming week I will be once again counting the cost and down sizing our collection of 15 Photo albums to only two. Wish me luck.

There are a lot :)

Planning on having two albums left.

Now its your turn......

Saturday 9: Make You Feel My Love

 1. What has someone done unusual to make you feel their love?

Totally out of character, my husband got me a Valentine card that had this little adorable bear that says love; it now hangs from my cell phone. Not sure what happened to the card, but I love my bear.

2. Do you own a smart phone? If yes, is it everything you wanted? If no, how seriously have you considered a purchase of the new smart phone?
I have the smartest of cell phones, I love my phone, could not live without it and no its not an Iphone. It is definitely the personal assistant I needed. I cannot even grocery shop without it.

3. Have you ever camped out to purchase something?
Only if it involved, room service and air conditioning. Nothing is worth camping out for. Experience plus time spent on this is zero cost value.

4. What is your worst habit?
Yelling, I am not sure how I started but I have gone over to the dark side. Working on remembering the baby whisper.

5. What is your best habit?
I am borderline OCD. Positively addicted to order and having things organized, just so. Remember even a negative has its positive. The neurotic in me is very good at organizing things, which I manage to turn into a strength.  

6. In your opinion, what is life's greatest mystery?
My 12-year-old son is the greatest mystery. But all children are mysteries. We can never understand the depths of them. Why they do the things they do? Two children in the same circumstances will make completely different choices in life and we are all left wondering why.

7. Are you one of those people who is constantly busy with projects, social outings, etc. or do you just like to lay low and stay home?
I walk a thin line, which depends on who you ask. I would like to think that I just lay low and stay at home but I try to maintain a balance because my life is very busy.

8. Whether you're busy all the time or like to just chill, have you always been that way?
No, I use to be very over scheduled but then I discovered baby time, and Indian time. Then I kind of figured that somethings are important to schedule others will happen rather you schedule them or not. Sometimes you just have to give it up to God and the universe.

9. Is there something you'd like to change about how you spend your time? If so, what is it? If not, why not?
I would like to no longer be an overseer; I spend most of my time over seeing that things are being done. With three boys at home all day, I have learned that when the Rooster is looking the other way the hens will play. I am still looking forward to the day when The Boys are self-disciplined and willing to oversee themselves. Right now I keep telling The Boys that when they take advantage of my distraction they are making me sad. I am hoping they will become more self-discipline so I have more free time to read and pursue my writing once again.


Now's your turn to answer the Saturday9...........

My quiver

Its Friday!  As I think about my Brag on God post I know what my hearts wants to share. It has been a week of memories for me and I find my self thinking that my quiver is full. So I will share the story of my quiver and how Great God is in fulling it.

Psalms 127:

4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior 
are the children of one's youth.

5 Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

The Boys

The picture says it all. My story begins with me saying I can never have children, like Hannah, I loved children, I just did not think my health would allow them. Then the husband said lets try any way, was I willing to risk my very life to have a child, I had always thought I would adopt. I imagined  how the women of the bible must have felt surrounded by all those happy pregnant women filled with excitement and over flowing with the joy of knowing that they would have a healthy, happy baby from the moment they knew of the pregnancy. How hard that must have been for them. I always thought that most women never thoroughly understood the miracle of having a child, all the things that have to be just right down to the smallest detail, we are few in number. 


It took a lot of reading about Hannah; praying for direction; and wrestling with the why me God? Why can't I be one of the happy women, Why can't I experience that kind of joy? But after 4 years, asking God to lead me to the right doctor (Mentioned by name because God brought him back, Dr. Jason Heaton, retired and now practicing in Ohio, best doctor ever and answer to my prayer.), and accepting  that I would never be that happy pregnant woman. God sent me 9 months of waiting in bed and more praying that we would have a bouncing baby and I would be able to survive the ordeal. 


Brag #1 Christopher, VA 
When Christopher was born, I got really sick after, no pleasant delivery room story here, by the time I had recovered from the delivery I began to wonder if it had even been real. God had answered my prayers on both fronts, I had a healthy baby and I was doing well. Who could ask for more?


Brag #2 Bartholomew, CA
But I did! I asked God for my beautiful baby to not have to grow up alone to at least have a sibling. After all growing up I had my sister, and felt that Christopher needed some one to share with and grow up with. Is it lonely being only one? So with Christopher turning one, we began again feeling confidant that it would be easier this time. I do not know that it was easier, I can just say that it was different. I had Christopher to fill my arms, to love and play with, his needs mattered most, I had become secondary. So after we were sure, my faith had been built with Christopher, I knew God had this one in the bag. I trusted fully in him and focus less on the Doctor's worries and more on the blessing I had already received. I had moved to California at this time and had a different specialist. I was very confidant with Bartholomew, may be that is why he is so confidant now, nothing could shake my resolve. Even after I had passed the due date, I just said when God's ready the baby will come. And he did come within an hour from the first contraction to birth. We barely made it to the hospital on time. In lots of ways I was fully unprepared, but that let God be in control. That night I took his name right out of the Gideon Bible in my hospital room drawer. 


After having Bartholomew my health took a big dive. I could barely get out bed to care for my two wonderful boys. Now we spent two years praying that God would let me enjoy my miracles and see them grow up. Then came what seem to be devastating news, my kidneys were failing, both of them. I remember thinking: is that not why we have two, when one is not working we could rely on the second one. I also thought it seemed a bit unfair, maybe I should have indulged a bit more. 


Perspective is every thing. In every situation there is a right and spiritual way to think, I just needed to find it and embrace it. That is taken from a book called Mind Change by Thomas A. Jones (mindchangeonline.org/) that really helped me to focus on Christ and get through this period. I wanted to be around for my boys so I changed my entire lifestyle, when a little extreme with all the doctor's orders.


I was on strict orders not to have any more children, every doctor's visit was ended with the warning not to get pregnant. And to be honest we were done, my health was getting better, I had my two boys and we were happy. My kidney function was getting better and I was taking a lots of medication, we felt that our family was complete. At this point in time I did not even think that we could get pregnant with out medical intervention, so we were good.


Brag #3 Nathanael, MD
Then, I suddenly got really sick and I had that thought, could I be pregnant? No way that was impossible, even after they called me and told me I was pregnant, the disbelief was still there. My husband and I were both in shock. Thus began the doctor's visit and the first part of the miracle. A complicated pregnancy, because of the meds I was taking he might not grow, have brain damage, be missing some vital parts, babies do not tend to grow on a low protein diet I was told. For me, my kidneys could fail from the strain of working for two, I could not take any medications to help them, I could end up in a coma or worse dead. How do we approach a miracle? Do we say to God please take it back; this is more than I can bear, no! To all these testing and the doctors considering my alternatives, we said stop, lets consider the miracle. We had faced impossible odds, this baby was growing, this baby was a miracle of God and I have faith that whatever happens, God will be my rock. This was when the irrational pregnant lady was again showed the hand of God. 


At this point in time we had moved again and was living in Maryland. When Dr. Heaton walked into that room to discuss the situation, I knew God had sent me a sign. He remember me from Virginia, where I had been his patient for two years. I had not seen him in six years and could not wait for him to see Christopher, the child he was so instrumental in helping me have. I knew he would understand our situation and be helpful. He was very reassuring and helpful throughout.


As we neared delivery and my kidney function started to slip, I was having issues with my blood pressure, I just reminded myself that God's hand was ever present. He took care of countless women in the Bible, my muse Hannah, and he would take care of me. When Nathaneal was born he had ten toes, ten fingers, a beautiful miracle so taking his name from the Bible seemed only fitting. To this day Nathaneal is a healthy, intelligent and charming little boys, a miracle we can name.


Every child that is born is a miracle. They are many minutiae details that goes into creating a life, it is amazing that any child is born even to a healthy mom. 


I am glad to brag that God has filled my quiver to overflowing. Without him I would not have three beautiful boys to raise to love and worship him. I only pray that I can do Him proud in the task He has assigned me. 


What has God done for you? Comment below and let me know what you think, even if its this is too long ...... Thanks for listening :)