Friday, June 24, 2011

My quiver

Its Friday!  As I think about my Brag on God post I know what my hearts wants to share. It has been a week of memories for me and I find my self thinking that my quiver is full. So I will share the story of my quiver and how Great God is in fulling it.

Psalms 127:
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior 
are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!

The Boys
The picture says it all. My story begins with me saying I can never have children, like Hannah, I loved children, I just did not think my health would allow them. Then the husband said lets try any way, was I willing to risk my very life to have a child, I had always thought I would adopt. I imagined  how the women of the bible must have felt surrounded by all those happy pregnant women filled with excitement and over flowing with the joy of knowing that they would have a healthy, happy baby from the moment they knew of the pregnancy. How hard that must have been for them. I always thought that most women never thoroughly understood the miracle of having a child, all the things that have to be just right down to the smallest detail, we are few in number. 

It took a lot of reading about Hannah; praying for direction; and wrestling with the why me God? Why can't I be one of the happy women, Why can't I experience that kind of joy? But after 4 years, asking God to lead me to the right doctor (Mentioned by name because God brought him back, Dr. Jason Heaton, retired and now practicing in Ohio, best doctor ever and answer to my prayer.), and accepting  that I would never be that happy pregnant woman. God sent me 9 months of waiting in bed and more praying that we would have a bouncing baby and I would be able to survive the ordeal. 

Brag #1 Christopher, VA 
When Christopher was born, I got really sick after, no pleasant delivery room story here, by the time I had recovered from the delivery I began to wonder if it had even been real. God had answered my prayers on both fronts, I had a healthy baby and I was doing well. Who could ask for more?

Brag #2 Bartholomew, CA
But I did! I asked God for my beautiful baby to not have to grow up alone to at least have a sibling. After all growing up I had my sister, and felt that Christopher needed some one to share with and grow up with. Is it lonely being only one? So with Christopher turning one, we began again feeling confidant that it would be easier this time. I do not know that it was easier, I can just say that it was different. I had Christopher to fill my arms, to love and play with, his needs mattered most, I had become secondary. So after we were sure, my faith had been built with Christopher, I knew God had this one in the bag. I trusted fully in him and focus less on the Doctor's worries and more on the blessing I had already received. I had moved to California at this time and had a different specialist. I was very confidant with Bartholomew, may be that is why he is so confidant now, nothing could shake my resolve. Even after I had passed the due date, I just said when God's ready the baby will come. And he did come within an hour from the first contraction to birth. We barely made it to the hospital on time. In lots of ways I was fully unprepared, but that let God be in control. That night I took his name right out of the Gideon Bible in my hospital room drawer. 

After having Bartholomew my health took a big dive. I could barely get out bed to care for my two wonderful boys. Now we spent two years praying that God would let me enjoy my miracles and see them grow up. Then came what seem to be devastating news, my kidneys were failing, both of them. I remember thinking: is that not why we have two, when one is not working we could rely on the second one. I also thought it seemed a bit unfair, maybe I should have indulged a bit more. 

Perspective is every thing. In every situation there is a right and spiritual way to think, I just needed to find it and embrace it. That is taken from a book called Mind Change by Thomas A. Jones ( that really helped me to focus on Christ and get through this period. I wanted to be around for my boys so I changed my entire lifestyle, when a little extreme with all the doctor's orders.

I was on strict orders not to have any more children, every doctor's visit was ended with the warning not to get pregnant. And to be honest we were done, my health was getting better, I had my two boys and we were happy. My kidney function was getting better and I was taking a lots of medication, we felt that our family was complete. At this point in time I did not even think that we could get pregnant with out medical intervention, so we were good.

Brag #3 Nathanael, MD
Then, I suddenly got really sick and I had that thought, could I be pregnant? No way that was impossible, even after they called me and told me I was pregnant, the disbelief was still there. My husband and I were both in shock. Thus began the doctor's visit and the first part of the miracle. A complicated pregnancy, because of the meds I was taking he might not grow, have brain damage, be missing some vital parts, babies do not tend to grow on a low protein diet I was told. For me, my kidneys could fail from the strain of working for two, I could not take any medications to help them, I could end up in a coma or worse dead. How do we approach a miracle? Do we say to God please take it back; this is more than I can bear, no! To all these testing and the doctors considering my alternatives, we said stop, lets consider the miracle. We had faced impossible odds, this baby was growing, this baby was a miracle of God and I have faith that whatever happens, God will be my rock. This was when the irrational pregnant lady was again showed the hand of God. 

At this point in time we had moved again and was living in Maryland. When Dr. Heaton walked into that room to discuss the situation, I knew God had sent me a sign. He remember me from Virginia, where I had been his patient for two years. I had not seen him in six years and could not wait for him to see Christopher, the child he was so instrumental in helping me have. I knew he would understand our situation and be helpful. He was very reassuring and helpful throughout.

As we neared delivery and my kidney function started to slip, I was having issues with my blood pressure, I just reminded myself that God's hand was ever present. He took care of countless women in the Bible, my muse Hannah, and he would take care of me. When Nathaneal was born he had ten toes, ten fingers, a beautiful miracle so taking his name from the Bible seemed only fitting. To this day Nathaneal is a healthy, intelligent and charming little boys, a miracle we can name.

Every child that is born is a miracle. They are many minutiae details that goes into creating a life, it is amazing that any child is born even to a healthy mom. 

I am glad to brag that God has filled my quiver to overflowing. Without him I would not have three beautiful boys to raise to love and worship him. I only pray that I can do Him proud in the task He has assigned me. 

What has God done for you? Comment below and let me know what you think, even if its this is too long ...... Thanks for listening :)