Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Language of Love {5 Days to Better Communication}

We have accepted that our words are powerful. The ground rules have been set and the communication in your home is running well.

The language we use to communicate with is vast and open to misinterpretations. How else and what else should our words impart?

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,     
but a man of understanding will draw it out.
Proverbs 20:5

Our children’s hearts are deep but we must be parents of understanding so that we will draw them out. Notice the verse said DRAW IT OUT and not force it out. When we tackle problems with our children we tend to want to literally beat the truth into and out of them but we are wise when we are patient and draw them out.

As your child grows, you will want to invest a little time in learning and changing with them. After the innocent starts to wear off and their little person personality start to visit you on a regular basis this is a good time to learn their love language.

How can you speak to and commune with them in a way that says you are so special and I will love you forever no matter what.

Love never fails.  
1 Corinthians 13:8

Enter The five love languages:

Physical touch – This means if your child likes to be touch you the parent make the effort to make that connection in a way that is comfortable for them.

Applied in communication:
  • is a hug before we begin,
  • an invitation to sit near as we talk,
  • depending on the age you can cuddle and talk, rubbing the back or even holding their hand.

Words of affirmation – words that affirm how much you love your child and this works with all children but be mindful of the one that needs it just a little bit more.  This is not the cheerleader code, praising them for everything they do. This is more using your words to say I love you both verbally, in notes and in action.

Quality time – special one on one time. You have told him one hundred times that you love him but he still feels dejected. He is not hearing your words; he needs time alone just being with mom or dad because that means he is loved.

Gifts – Now I am not suggesting that you try to buy your child’s love, what I am suggesting is that for some of us it’s the little things (gifts) that say I love you. For us this took on a few different arenas. When hubby was gone he would bring back something that did not cost much or anything but it just said to the boys I love and was thinking of you. 

What would show your child that you remembered and loves what is unique about them?
  • A note in their lunch box  
  • A bug you just happen to find unique  
  • A small toy car to build together

Acts of service – It would seem that this would be the easiest love language to impart, as mothers we serve our children. I found that this was more a coming along side my boys as it was serving them. Yes, I have a boy to whom a cleaned closet says mother loves me best but I have done better with helping him feel love while helping him serve. That is a fancy way of saying we do these acts of service together and then every so often I just do them.

Some children speak more than one love language and as they grow the language can also change. Living means adapting, changing and growing with our children. The things I love most about the Five Love Languages is that these are areas that will fill all children’s spirits but you are mindful of the area where they just need you to go the second mile.

It is hard to do these concepts justice in such a short post, but if you would like more detailed information please check out The Five Love languages of Children by Gary Chapman, Ph.D and Ross Champbell, M.D.

What are your chosen conversations telling your children? What is one choice you can change today, let me know in the comments? 
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