Thursday, June 7, 2012

Choosing Words That Meet the Five Critical Needs {5 Days to Better Communication}

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,
and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 17:27

Today I will discuss using words to help meet the five critical needs of your children.

Jumping in: 

1. Respected - treat your children with respect.
Meaning you will have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or choices of your children.
Are you speaking respectfully to your child?
Do they hear respect?
  • No harmful or demeaning words
  • No accusing or blaming
  • Humble, not I know better than you.

In training your children you are first teachers but you are also partners in the learning process. Many times I hear parents speaking to their children in a way that they would not speak to a friend or co-worker or even an employee. How much more our children should have the grace of that type of respect.

Think of it this way, God is your boss and He has assigned you to train His next MVP. When we work with others, on the job, we do not disregard them because of age and we certainly are not disrespectful, if we plan on keeping our jobs. Parenting is a challenging but also a blessing from God and we should treat our children with the same respect that god has assigned to them as His dearly love creations.

2. Important – no matter what our children will struggle and make mistakes. Perfect parents and children do not exist.
When we speak with them they need to hear:
  • I am on your side
  • I will fight for you but never with you
  • I will lay down my life for you
  • I love to tell the boys about fighting for them. When we have a quiet moment and it is just one on one I tell stories of fighting for them. So that when we are in the heated moment I can touch their hearts with “I will love you forever.” Now it is not quite the Kodak moment but it breaks the ice and reminds them of the quiet moments.

3. Accepted is a favorite of mine. I had always heard growing up that my children would be just like me. Now that they are here, Yes, we share certain things but I realized that the apple might not fall far from the tree but it certainly rolls down hill.

Your children are not just like you, they are independent individuals with their own ideas, feeling, thoughts and yes, opinions. You do not have to always agree with them but they should always hear your admiration for their individuality when you speak with them.

Look for what your children do well and randomly talk to them about it. When they are engaged in an activity in your home that they enjoy engage them with questions about it and just listen to their response. We do no have to always voice our opinions on everything our children do.  

Tell them the ways they bless your life and even why you are thankful that they are a part of your life.

4. Need to feel included: as our children are growing are we reminding them that we need them.

We are a part of each other and each member plays a valuable role. Communicating that our children are a necessary part of the whole can be hard.

1 Corinthians 12:15-26
18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be?
22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,….. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Conveying that message requires us to be humble and ask our children to help us. Yes, you can tell your child to do something and he will do it but you send a more powerful message when you ask them to help you. I could not run this household with out you. You play a valuable role in our lives. You are missed when not at home. Each of my boys brings a special value to our home and that skill, strength, is what keeps our family strong.

5. Our children need to feel secure; in many ways we provide this for them.
  • When children feel secure they know were to turn in the storms of life.
  • They understand that mom and dad are consistent
  • They will listen to them
  • That they will find support and love without condemnations

If I have a car accident I am responsible for the damage but I will still be loved and supported as I make payments.
Consequences are a natural part of life and we all face them but we will stand with you as you take responsibility for your life choices.

It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:5

Deal with your children in the here and now as this allows them to know that the past is forgiven, I will forgive you as needed and remind them they are capable of making better choices going forward and you believe in them.

What choices can you make today to meet the five critical needs of your children?

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