Friday, May 11, 2012

Choosing a Mother's Day Heart

Edwards Granddaughter

When given the choice I have consistently chosen to share my truth with you. The honest and heart felt choices I have made and how I see them. Sometime like with my "Feeling I do not choose" post, I have cried as I wrote and thought maybe I will not share that thought. But then, I feel compelled by faith, love and God to share my heart.

Today’s post is such a post. I hope it is received as my truth. I struggled all week to write a Mother’s Day post. I am a mother and a very proud one at that. I am also a daughter who is extremely proud of the woman who raised her.

I asked the question, ‘If that is my truth, Why is my Mother’s Day post so painful to write? Why do I not love Mother’s Day?’
This is an excerpt from my first attempt to write this post:

Why choose to celebrate Mother’s Day

When I think of Mother’s Day, I am reminded of a book I read for literature class in college, the Title is “The Joy’s of Motherhood.” I guess at that time it really was how I defined motherhood. Despite its title the main character’s journey of motherhood was anything but a joy. Although she had many children and worked hard to see then well educated and successful in life, like many women around the world she ends her life sad and alone, discarded in the gutter with no one to even claim her body. I challenge you to ask the question: How many mothers feel discarded emotionally, physically and financially? 

I shared this with some friends on Facebook yesterday with the question “Should I even write a Mother’s Day post with this heart?”

Then as with much of my life I saw God’s intervention. A post from the Facebook page of one of my favorite books and I had never noticed a post from them before.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV)
Was I being tempted? What is my sin here?

Honestly, I had not dug too deep into my heart, but I could not sleep last night. These questions weighted on my heart. What was wrong with my mother or me that was making this so hard? I cried, because, my heart ached for the thankless sacrifice she has made. All she has suffered in my stead. Like my debt to Jesus it can never be repaid by something so simple as a thank you on Mother’s Day.

I could never repay the sacrifice my mother had made for me and she would not accept if I tried. 

The scripture that best describes my mom is this:
“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’” 
She served my sister and I without every asking for a word of thanks, she did her duty, never expecting or wanting to be repaid.

  • My Mother worked full time but still did all the chores
  • My mother is the most amazing baker and chef
  • My mother spent most of her life selflessly taking care of others
  • My mother showed me that although her world was small mine would be endless
  • My mother took me on trips, some I did not quite appreciate
  • In spite of her journey, my mother told me I could do anything
  • My mother always defended me
  • My mother was always there when I was sick. I knew she worked, and had to take care of my sister, but I cannot remember a time she was not by my side when I was in the hospital.
  • My mother changed her entire way of life to support my health
  • My mother made sure I received an education
  • My mother insisted on paying for the wedding dress of my dreams
  • My mother and I are like best friends and my children will tell you I still do what she says.
  • My mother for me is the encyclopedia of all knowledge. I prize and seek her advise first among all others.
  • My mother traveled in a small car with a screaming baby from Texas to California to help me.
  • My mother traveled in that same small car with a five year old and a three year old from California back to New York.
  • My mother has visited me every place I have lived
  • My mother traveled to India to help us move back, despite some serious health concerns, she was more concern about the long trip back for my three boys and me.
The list is endless for the things my mother has done in sacrifice for me.

My prayer scripture today is:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:8-9
I woke with an understanding of the pain of my heart and read this scripture. I know what is excellent about my mother. I know all that she had to overcome to be those things for me. She raised two daughters to have all that she never attained.  She fought for them and with them to give them a better life. She sacrificed herself for me and like The Joys of Motherhood once educated and grown I moved away, that was what I knew to do. It has taken me fourteen years of being mom to understand all she gave in my name.

A mother’s grace, patience and love are like no other, but some things we only understand when we are grown. How can I repay her faith and sacrifice?

And so I cry this Mother’s Day for a debt I cannot repay and for all those mothers who never had a Mother’s Day.

A mother’s love is this: A child expects something fine and noble and unselfish of us. A Child expects us to be faithful and so we die to self that they might live for Christ.

As always I journey down this road with Christ and His Word, choosing to let Him direct my heart as I cling to my personal truth. 

How are your choices effecting your Mother's Day? I would love it if you shared.

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